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The crocuses in my yard all picked slightly different times to bloom. This one picked the right time, no competition for those good spring rays and no frost to merc it. Good job, lil crocus!

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bored WFH? close one (1) door in your house each morning, and watch your cats melt down in the brave new world you've constructed. rotate which door each day, they have lil tennis ball brains so as long as your house has 2 doors they'll be surprised every time.

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you vs the horse statue they tell you not to worry about

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Philosophy students love the french duh of yugioh because it's a show all about des cartes

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Therapist: Hans (van with hands) isn't real, Hans can't hurt you
Hans:

riddle me this: why is every fantasy book is in both the "adult" and "young adult" genres according to goodreads. example: goodreads.com/book/show/513403

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Sharp cheddar should just be called cheddar and the other kind should be called bad cheddar

highlight of The Great Australian Bakeoff so far: everyone keeps calling the structure they compete in "the shed"

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So... Is there a Mrs. Specter of communism?

when it comes to cinematic inspirations for my Apocalypse Dad look, I'm taking more cues from Wall-E than Mad Max

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reving my moped engine outside your mother's window. it's a sex thing and its consensual.

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"it's not clear what's going on in this fight between gandalf and the lich (sic) king, and that's a weakness in the writing" WHY DON'T YOU PAY ATTENTION TO THE PIECE OF MEDIA YOU ARE CONSUMING, I WILL FIGHT YOU, YOU FUCK

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a kid born in this generation doesn't have a baby name, they have a 

nom de zoom

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you guys want to see my favorite scientifically accurate illustration of a dinosaur

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With some recent... err... *updates* to my sleep schedule, I've been able to capture rare, time-sensitive collectible Cherbs I usually miss. According to the trading card text, this one is called KolCherb: The Night Stalker

as a new dad, I have an inaugural dad joke:

I'm really starting to worry about my kid, everyone keeps asking if he was born yesterday. first off, RUDE, but also yes.

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i don't think Dr. Frankenfurter ever intended to send for a satanic mechanic.

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hates.company

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