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Lately I've been reading a lot of children's picture books, over and over? I thought "Goodnight Moon" was pretty spooky, but I had trouble finding anyone writing about that online. @redoak jokingly suggested that I become the conspiracy theorist blogger I want to see in the world, so... I did it. Here's a totally serious take on why "Goodnight Moon" is an esoteric text, from me, a serious scholar of esotericism (aka podcast listener): pseudony.ms/blags/goodnight-no

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you vs the horse statue they tell you not to worry about

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people i know having swords is worrying, but strangers on the internet having swords is hilarious. comedy is swords plus distance.

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when your tests are hermetic it's all "attaboy," but when your api docs are Hermetic suddenly it's all "you are scaring the QA testers" and "you are getting DMCA takedown notices from Alistair Crowley"

Hobby Lobby buys a tablet from Christie's auction house, and everyone carefully checks a box marked "we asked if it was stolen and the seller said no" and then the tablet turns out to be stolen, twice now. I knew Hobby Lobby was overly credulous before, but the fun lesson I'm getting now is that everyone is in on this whole international graverobbery business. Everything bought from Christie's is probably stolen, and that's never going to negatively impact Christie's.

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i actually would believe my eyes if 10 million fireflies lit up the world, sorry but im different

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I need to know the rest of this bucket list immediately

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I'd like to thank you all for marrying me. we're doing great

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I wonder how many identical twins get named something like "Jess" and "Jess from five minutes in the Future". Most of them, I'd bet.

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A cousin just refered to tribulations as "tribz" on social media, and I am astounded at their doctrine.

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man on the moon
with a horrible face
every night
he scrapes his bloody knife
and looks at me
and says
he's going to kill me
sure wish I could get away from
that awful man on the moon
- REM, "man on the moon"

alcohol 

a "perfect" martini has a 50/50 mix of dry and sweet vermouth. a "dirty" martini has a little extra olive brine in. a "perfect dirty" martini can absolutely only be prepared and enjoyed in one's home, because asking a bartender to do all of that is A Crime.

trying to work some more dread into the nonsense songs i sing my kid to sleep with. tonight's:
🎵 have you ever been 🎵
🎵 to the living moon 🎵
🎵 it's alive 🎵
🎵 and they live there 🎵
🎵 so in two senses 🎵
🎵 it is living 🎵

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My little sister's instagram for food shaped like Ohio continues to get funnier the longer the bit goes on. There's a fakeout in instagram.com/p/CRbv9lRhJzy/ , where at first you think it's not Ohio-shaped, that is Art.

I sort of knew half of this band in high school, so I'm basically in Catherinette, basically. Their new EP is on Bandcamp and Spotify and stuff: catherinette.bandcamp.com/albu

my kid crawled up a flight of stairs today. it's a good day.

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Important fox spirit detection strats:
"If you open, then you will see a man, or perhaps a beautiful girl, who will talk to you only in fragments of words, but nevertheless in such a way that you can perfectly well understand. A fox cannot pronounce a whole word, but a part only..."
academia.issendai.com/foxtales

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the existence of a briefcase implies the existence of a longcase

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the government will do your taxes for you if you wait long enough... checkmate TurboTax or whevs

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