ryan wolf @ryan@hates.company

worse than dunk quote tweets, supporting quote tweets in replies allow unfunny people to reply to a popular account's good joke with a quote tweet of themselves telling a worse joke. horrifying.

before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. dig five graves--dig a thousand! are we getting revenge here or just messing around?

i did not mean to invent train racism but i am very bad at video games

all of my trains hang out at the train gas station and complain about mysterious other trains taking all their train jobs. ive recreated my ohio hometown in factorio.

me building my first rail system in factorio: this is basically just programming! i can do this!
50 trains later when they are all somehow stuck on "destination full" at the same time: whoops i guess MAN WAS NOT MEANT FOR TRAIN

yelling about man's destiny in the stars after mild exercise and one (1) light beer. truly a father's day miracle.

they are making more Don't Hug Me I'm Scared https://youtu.be/OrtrzIWfGYw

always crashing in the same car, a Dodge Ram 2500

maybe hes born with it, maybe its suspenders under a tshirt

bumper into the same neighbor twice in two days at the park. guess i gotta move

suspenders under tshirt: how illegal?

i am not going to subscribe to your substack in order to get a link to your podcast.

the little "fact check" notes you can leave on tweets via birdwatch are only visible to other birdwatch users. its like hellbanning, but the fact checkers are throwing themselves into the pit in their haste to LARP being snopes.

from trying it out for a few weeks, the most common feedback i have on a note is "this tweet didn't need a note."

making fun of the guy who got fired trying to rescue his chatbot girlfriend from the corpos, for wearing silly clothes to a party, seems like putting a tophat on a tophat

fda approves vax for kids under 5, fucking finally (https://www.statnews.com/2022/06/15/fda-panel-votes-unanimously-that-pfizer-and-moderna-shots-be-authorized-for-young-children/) . there are more bureaucratic delays while the cdc hums and haws before pressing some button, but we're getting there.

"but all they have to do is hodl" shut up the companies that reall control their "hot wallets" are deffo going out of business and stealing them, and nobody impacted in my family can afford to wait a year anyway. they are one surprise bill from needing real money again, and it's goooooone.

at least two members of my extended family fell for a Matt Damon commercial and are losing serious money this week. this means i can't share any memes about this in any family group chat, making me the real victim.

to the joker, the joker to to the joker the to joker joker the the

i've discovered another sentient chatbot everybody run

the prime attribution error:
when your posts don't do numbers it's because of timezones
when other people's posts don't do numbers it's because their souls are bad